Getting Booty While On Duty

A New Jersey police officer has admitted to having sex with a prostitute in a motel room while on duty, and in uniform. and has been asked to resigned from the force.

His boss didn't buy his original excuse that he was just testing out his night stick.

The Problem & The Solution

"The financial crisis is forcing companies to make tough decisions; there is a risk that we might need to lay off Andre."

2009 Trivia Night Photos

Here I am hosting the event and asking the trivia questions.... or was I singing "Islands In The Stream" by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton? Hmmm.. it was one or the other.


My 550 KTRS friends & co-workers -- Ian, Eric, Dan, Tina, and "Outdoors" Ned.

White House Press Guy Is Late!

Robert Gibbs, The White House press secretary is a total boob. Seriously, that's not a political thing, it's just that this guy is such a giant doofus. I have no idea why President Obama would want this guy on camera everyday speaking on his behalf. Especially since he seems to be pretty suave in the marketing department. Gibbs tries to be funny and falls short every time. (Hey at least we have that much in common.)

Anyway, here he is being scolded by the press for showing up 20 minutes late to a press briefing. Which, by the way, brings up the question... do we really need these briefings? What's the point? Seriously? Can't they just e-mail out this information? It's not like they ever actually answer any of the questions anyway.

Trivia Night Video

Thanks to everyone that came out to trivia night this year at the Kirkwood Community Center!

Anna Kournikova Plays Beer Pong

Too Much House

Why the hell would anyone need THIS big of a house? Seriously... look at that place!! That's the former home of Aaron Spelling and is being put on the market by his widow who's only asking $150 MILLION for it. What a deal!

Things A Man/Woman Would NEVER Say

THE LAST 10 THINGS ANY WOMAN WOULD EVER SAY:

10. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired
of just being friends.
9. Go ahead and leave the seat up.
8. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
7. Hey, get a whiff of that one.
6. Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpit
are just too cute.
5. This diamond is way too big.
4. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
3. Wow, it really is 14 inches!
2. Does this make my butt look too small?
1. I'm wrong, you must be right again.

THE LAST 10 THINGS ANY MAN WOULD EVER SAY

10. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherf*$#@r.
9. While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
8. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
7. Her tits are just too big.
6. Sometimes I just want to be held.
5. That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" gives me a woody.
4. Sure I'd love to wear a condom.
3. We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping
and I can hold your purse.
2. Forget Monday Night Football, let's watch The Golden Girls.
1. I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask directions.

Gotta Love LIVE Television

My favorite part is the goofball that just stands there with his hands in his pocket while the girl hits the dust. Ha!

New Study

A study says that 1 in 7 Americans are Hispanic.

And today in Arkansas, a family of 7 sat around their living room trying to figure out which one of them were Hispanic.

New Global Currency?

This week, the Chinese demanded a new global currency to replace to the dollar.

Meanwhile Americans demanded that Chinese finally give us leak proof take out containers!

And quit bein so stingy with those soy sauce packets!

Obama Press Conference Wrap Up

Last night, Barack Obama was on in prime time. After his opening remarks, Randy said: "It was a little pitchy, dog".

During the press conference, Obama said we'd be sending troops to the Mexican border to keep drug war violence from getting inside the US. He also said we'd be sending troops to California to keep men from getting inside the Octomom.

And FINALLY the press seems to be asking the President some tough questions for a change. For example, last night the reporter from NBC asked Obama if he wore boxers or briefs.

The Corporate Ladder

Top Ten Rejection Lines (And What They Really Mean.)

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one Jurassic geezer.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing)

6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben & Jerry's)

5. I don't date men where I work (Hey bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building)

4. It's not you, it's me (It's not me, it's you)

3. I'm concentrating on my career (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off *only* the men like you.)

.....and the #1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means):

1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with.




Top 10 Rejection Lines Given by Men (and what they actually mean..)

10. I think of you as a sister (You're ugly)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly)
6. I've got a girlfriend (You're ugly)
5. I don't date women where I work (You're ugly)
4. It's not you, it's me (You're ugly)
3. I'm concentrating on my career (You're ugly)
2. I'm celibate (You're ugly)

.....and the #1 rejection line given by men:

1. Let's be Friends (You're SINFULLY ugly!)

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to the world's oldest dog!

Mrs.Robinson's In Line For Tickets

Simon & Garfunkel have decided to reunite for concerts this Summer.

It'll be called "The Bridge Over Troubled Finances" tour.

First Day Of Spring

Everybody enjoying the first day of Spring???

-You can tell it's Spring because the robins on Wall Street are returning to find out they lost their nest eggs.

-You can tell it's Spring because now OJ's using his knife to cut down dandelions around the prison basketball court.

-You can tell it's Spring because Bernie Madoff was busted embezzling allergy medicine.

-You can tell it's Spring because Barack Obama was making lame jokes about the Special Olympics baseball team.

Whole Lotta Boinking Going On

Word came out today that the US had it's highest birth rate ever in 2007.

And today, the OctoMom... said "Hey don't look at me!?"

Idiot Alert!

How exciting that today I get to be the subject of my own "Idiot Alert"! Yesterday, I had to have someone fill out a form for something. It was a fairly long form, with a lot of information needed. Personally, my hand starts to cramp up when I have to write out a bunch of stuff. Maybe it's because I'm used to typing on a computer like everyone else.

After 8 or 9 minutes, I glanced up from my desk and said with a smile, "How's your hand holdin up?"

The gentleman replied that he was fine and all was well. He eventually finished the form. As I stood up to take the piece of paper from him, I looked over and all I could think was.... "Holy crap".

The guy was MISSING HIS HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doh!

Nancy Pelosi AKA "Dumbest Woman On Earth"

Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton could out smart this woman. Nancy Pelosi may be the dumbest woman on the planet. I've yet to meet a single person that actually respects this woman. Even my most liberal, Democrat friends think she is a complete moron.

Here's Pelosi talking over the weekend in San Francisco about how this country shouldn't enforce our country's laws on illegal immigration. Yeah, that's just brilliant, Ms. Pelosi.

Is That A Gun In Your Pants Or Are You Happy To See Me?

A man was ordered to get psychological counseling after he put a loaded gun down the front of his pants to impress women and went to a nightclub. He invited two women to feel the "awesome" thing he had down his pants. One happily sat on his lap and posed for a photo, but the other woman called the police.

Thankfully it didn't fire; he would've gone off half-cocked.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Why I Got Fired

For the last company picnic, management decided that, due to liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one (1) drink per person. I was fired for ordering the cups.

New Bush Library Facing Obstacles

George W. Bush is starting to work on his Presidential Library down in Texas. However, rumor has it he's running into some obstacles along the way.

Like for example, the current blueprints call for the Bush library not to have any books in it.

Kiss Me... I'm German

Everyone's getting anxious for the St Patrick's Day holiday. Even in the halls of congress this week, they have a little leprechaun running around.... no wait, that was Dennis Kucinich.


And of course most people want to find the end of the rainbow, because legend has it there's a pot of gold.... Unless you're Michael Phelps, then you're just looking for the pot..

Steve Martin VS Annoying Parent

There never seems to be a happy medium when it comes to parents of young people these days. You get people that don't give a crap about their kids, or you get over-protective prudes that want to keep their offspring in a bubble their whole life.

Actor Steve Martin has run into some trouble at an Oregon high school where he wanted to have students participate in a play he wrote. The 1993 play imagines a meeting between Pablo Picasso and Albert Einstein in a Paris bar as they are on the verge of great achievements in painting and physics.

Here's a shocker.... ONE parent objected. The parent then got about 130 other parents to sign a petition, and the school board halted production. The gripe? The play had "adult content". And you're asking yourself, what was the "adult content"? The complainers say the play has "people drinking in bars, and treating women as sex objects."

Well, we all know THAT never happens in the real world. Nobody ever drinks and certainly men never look at women as sex objects. And, I think we all know that 16 and 17 year olds clearly have no idea about drinking or sex. They also never cuss, either. How dare we expose them to these things, after all they are still so innocent at that age.

I'm a fairly conservative guy, but even I think it's ridiculous to go overboard with trying to protect young adults. Maybe if parents taught their kids right and wrong, they'll be able to make the right choices when certain temptations come along. Keeping kids in a bubble, pretending none of these things happen in the real world is ridiculous. In fact, some would argue it makes it worse. And I have news for ya. Your kid knows by the age of 13 and 14 more than you probably care to know about.

Steve Martin thankfully will present the play at another school, and the project won't be squashed thanks to one annoying parent. And by the way, maybe it's time we stop freaking out and changing everything because one person whines, complains or gets offended? Just a thought...

Thank You, Facebook!

I was starting to become somewhat addicted to Facebook. Thankfully, those days came to an abrupt halt this past week. Facebook decided to change it's format and almost instantly made me never want to log back in again. Gone are the days of me wasting time each afternoon checking in on friends and trying to think of clever things to post on my page. Instead, maybe now I'll do some actual work. Or, at least find another way to waste my time.

The old Facebook design was clean, and easy to read. The new design is cluttered, full of crap I don't want to see and is total information overload. My main beef is that the old site worked great, even got me to tell many different friends/co-workers to sign up and give it a try. I'll be calling the same people to tell them forget about it.

Who are these pinheads that make these changes? I know the owner of Facebook is a pretty young guy. Maybe his Mom never told him: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

All Grown Up

Watching television over the weekend, I saw Keshia Knight Pulliam for the first time in a long while. Of course, you'd know her as Rudy from The Cosby Show. She's all grown up obviously, and looks terrific! Turns out she also kept things together and didn't turn into the typical "child star" loser.

Don't Be Confused

Bernie Madoff was found guilty of stealing billions of dollars from investors in what's called a PONZI scheme. Now, don't confuse a ponzi scheme with when guys dress up in leather jackets and act macho to impress women... that's called a Fonzie scheme.

Defending Carrie Underwood

You all know I'm a huge Carrie Underwood fan. She's taken some ridiculous abuse from a hunting group called the U.S. Sportsman Alliance for donating proceeds from a song to the Humane Society. This group released a statement basically bullying Carrie for donating to the Humane Society, because they apparently don't approve of this particular hunting groups actions.

However, none of that is relevant. Last time I checked, this was America. Carrie can donate money to any group that she wants, and shouldn't be belittled or bullied by some arrogant jerk for doing so. If a private citizen wants to donate private money to the group of their choice, in this country they have that right to do so. End of discussion!

"Carrie Underwood has decided to use her talents to benefit an organization dedicated to destroying the rights of thousands of her fans," Rick Story, vice president of the U.S. Sportsmen's Alliance, said in a news release. "HSUS does not operate or oversee animal shelters; it is a radical organization that seeks to end hunting and other responsible uses of animals in America."

Hey, Rick... mind your own business. I don't normally buy CD's, but next time Carrie puts out an album... I'm going to buy a couple copies just to tick this guy off.

Shoe Guy Goes To Jail

The guy that threw the shoes at President Bush was found guilty and is going to jail for 3 years. He told reporters outside the court "I hate Bush".

No, wait I'm sorry, that was Ryan Seacrest.

Wacko Jacko: SOLD OUT!

Michael Jackson has sold out 50 concerts in London. Michael says each show will be unique.

Actually, the music will all be the same, but each night he will have on a different nose.

Bye Bye To Newspapers

New survey -- One out of 3 Americans wouldn't even notice, or care if their local newspaper went out of business.

While the other 2 out of 3 say they're worried they'd have to find something else to line their pets litter box with.

If The Shoe Fits

An Iraqi man who his shoes at President Bush has been found guilty and is going to jail for 3 years.

His lawyer tried to get him free on a technicality. The attorney told the judge, "If the shoe don't fit, you must acquit".

Here's the video of the show throwing incident:

Dora's Growing Up

Mattel and Nickelodeon have upset parents with their plans to create an older version of the kids TV character Dora the Explorer.. The new, teenage version will have long, flowing hair and a very short skirt.

Word is they've named this new character "Dora The Whore-A"

Great Big.....

While I should have been sleeping last night, I found myself watching old clips of "The Match Game" on Youtube. Here's a clip from the mid 70's, that had me cracking up. Notice how different people respond to certain words, where as today just about anything goes.

Stomp!

Big thanks to the Fox Theatre for donating tickets to STOMP which will be in town April 3-5.

But, you can win a pair of tickets if you're attending my annual charity trivia night here in Saint Louis, on Saturday, March 28th!! That will be just one of the many prizes up for grabs!

Just click on the trivia night button at the top of the website for more info, and click HERE for more info on STOMP!

Abe Lincoln Photo Surfaces

A new photo of Abraham Lincoln surfaced recently. Nobody had ever seen it before. The historians said the photograph shows Honest Abe being interviewed by a then 20 year old Larry King.

Abe Lincoln is probably the most famous US politician with a beard. Well ya know, until Janet Reno came along.

Come A Little Bit Closer

Ok, now this was fun to watch... I've always loved this song, but never saw Jay & The Americans perform it before. It looks like they're lip syncing, but I guess it doesn't really matter. Man, youtube has everything!

The Economy Is So Bad...

The economy is so bad, Britney Spear's kids are now driving a used Ford Escort.

It's so bad, Hillary now buys all her pant suits at good will.

It's so bad, the unemployment percentage rate is now at 8 points. that's right, 8 points, or as the Rams that a high scoring game.

It's so bad my 401 k is down to nothing but pennies... or as Obama calls it "change you can believe in"

Birdies & Pickles

No, that's not a new menu item at KFC. Birdies and pickles are what I was hitting on Friday night. Confused yet? You probably should be. I'd be terribly concerned if you understand what I'm talking about at this point.

I've taken up badminton and "Pickle Ball" as recreational sports once a week. First of all, for years I've called it: badMITTEN. Turns out it's not badMITTEN at all. It also turns out I kinda suck. But, I'm getting better.

I have learned that a birdie is really just a secondary name for the shuttlecock. It's the plastic thing with the rubber bottom you hit back and forth. I can't imagine why more people wouldn't want to use a lovely word like SHUTTLECOCK, can you? Someone told me it sounds dirty.

Personally, I don't really see the problem. What's the big issue with something like "You can just suck my shuttle!" Or, "That is one big shuttle!" At least now I understand why the space SHUTTLE is shaped the way it is.

Pickle Ball is actually more fun for me. As someone described it, it's like "Honey I Shrunk The Kids and now they're standing on the ping pong table." It's a game basically with the same rules as ping pong except you play in the gym, in an area similar to a volleyball court. You hit a ball that looks just like a wiffle ball back and forth with wooden paddles. This is a game where I'm actually pretty good. Probably because it's kind of like tennis, which I've played for years.

Next week, I'll try and shoot some video for the website so you can see all the action.

Funny Search Engine Results

Once in awhile I like to let you in on some of the statistics regarding this website. You'd be blown away by the amount of statistics I get each week. I can tell not only how many people visit, but where they come from, what city they're in, how long they visit, and what the most popular pages are. It's pretty amazing. But, my favorite thing about having all of this information is getting to see some of the funny things people type into search engines like google or yahoo, that bring them to my website. Usually, someone will type in "Bill Clevlen" or "Bill Radio".

But, once in awhile the most obscure and bizarre searches somehow lead people to my site.

Here's my favorite one from this week:


"Does K-Mart sell man thongs?"

Dancing With A Playmate

Dancing With the Stars begins next week and Jewel has been replaced by former Hugh Hefner girlfriend Holly Madison.

Holly says she's looking forward to it because this will be her first chance to dance in front of an audience without a pole.

Thanks to Holly, now if people want to tune in and see big boob, they no longer have to settle for the show's host, Tom Bergeron.

Bet Ya Didn't Know...

18 percent of an American's income is spent on transportation.

Kleenex tissues were originally used as filters in gas masks.

Until 1834 it was illegal for a solider to carry the flag into battle.

Currently, 70 percent of U.S. businesses do NOT have a website.

There are more female, than male millionaires in the United States.

A rat can fall from a five story building and not be injured.

You cannot name a folder "con" in Microsoft Windows.

Midgets and dwarfs almost always have normal sized children.

Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team in 10th grade.

A man once sued his doctor because he survived his cancer longer than the doctor predicted.

The face of a penny can hold 30 drops of water.

The first alarm clock could only ring at 4:30

Oops She Did It Again

Britney Spears kicked off her big comeback tour last night in New Orleans. It was such a big disaster, that FEMA decided to ignore it.

And Britney's kids are traveling with her during the tour. That makes sense though, someone has got to drive the tour bus.

Letterman Just Isn't Funny Anymore

For a very long time, I thought David Letterman was absolutely brilliant. I started watching him when he was doing his Late Night show on NBC, about a year or so before he left for CBS. I have always appreciated his wit, and personable interviewing skills. Many of his creative ideas are the envy of every comedian trying to develop fresh material.

Over the past couple of years, David Letterman has lost his way. No doubt, the man is still extremely funny and quick on his toes. But, sadly he's become so full of himself and political that it's almost painful to watch. Sure, I suppose if you agree with him on most of his political points of view, you might still enjoy him. Or maybe not. I find it hard to believe that people tune into a comedy show to hear someone spew off their political points of view.

As someone that enjoys taking jabs at politicians, both ones I like and dislike, I can appreciate a good joke. But, I draw the line at "mean". Letterman has become angry, bitter, and in my own opinion, quite arrogant. Nobody loved a good George W. Bush joke more than yours truly. I told hundreds of them on the air over the last 8 years. But, "W" is gone. Move along. If you didn't like him, get over it. Quit acting like a 4 year old that didn't get your way, and be a man. There's a new guy in office, and it's his turn to take some comedic abuse. Still telling Sarah Palin jokes 4 months after the election? Really? Sorry, but that's borderline pathetic.

Letterman has broken one of the most important rules a good comedian has to live by-- be an equal opportunity offender. It's quite disappointing that a once great broadcaster will finish up his career as nothing more than a hater. Truly disappointing.

Reunited

Siegfried and Roy reunited for one final show on Saturday night with the same tiger nearly killed Roy. It was nostalgic to see Roy sharing a stage with the man eater. And it was pretty special seeing him with the tiger, too.

This Day In History

It was on this day in 1999, that Monica Lewinski's book went on sale. It was the first autobiography where all the pages were stuck together.

Maybe There's Still Hope For America?

We often hear about what's wrong with young people in this country, and rarely give praise to the ones that are doing the right things and achieving great goals. Maybe this will help to ease your mind, at least a little bit, about the future.

In the current issue of Saint Louis Magazine, you'll find a feature on a young friend of mine named Jamey Powell. Jamey is a very talented actress, singer, student, and pretty much whatever else she sets her mind to. I met her years ago when she was just a "kid". Her Aunt, a former co-worker and long time friend would tell me stories about her, and invite me to see her in plays and musicals at her school.

I've always been amazed at people who, like Jamey, can balance a thousand things at once and do all of them flawlessly. I'm lucky if I can simultaneously load the washer and dryer. (Just a joke ladies, I'm quite domestic.)

While I don't have the current article in hand just yet, I've been assured that she is in fact in the magazine. (You have to buy it or read it at your local bookstore, because they don't publish stories online apparently...) She's listed as one of the top High School students in Saint Louis. Who knows what the future holds for her, but she's already done more than most people will ever do.

Here's a video clip where Jamey played a small part in one of our variety shows at the Missouri History Museum in Forest Park.

Iran Goes To The Movies

The President of Iran wants an apology from Hollywood film makers because he claims that the movies "The Wrestler" and "300" are insulting to Iranians.

Man, if he thinks those are bad, wait till he sees the new movie "Sisterhood Of The Traveling Turban"

Did You Hear The One About The Pantsuit?

Hillary Clinton just returned from a trip overseas that included a visit to China.

She went to personally thank the 7 year olds that sew together her pant suits.

She Makes Me Smile

One of my Sunday evening rituals is watching "The Fox Report" on Fox News as I wind down my weekend and get ready for the upcoming work week.

It's a small thing, but I always look forward to the weather report from Domenica Davis. As you might guess, I don't really care about the forecast, I just like to hear her talk. Yeah, she's definitely pretty, but what I really love is her accent!

Domenica's the only person in the world that can make me blush by saying: "Golf ball sized hail".

Well, if you don't count Al Roker.

Best Time To Twitter?

Do you use Twitter? It's kind of fun and a great way to keep in touch, using short instant messages. I've found it useful to shamefully promote when I post a new blog, or some new audio on my website.

In fact, you can add me to your twitter list, by clicking the twitter icon near the top of this website, or you can add: BILLCLEVLEN which is my user name.

If you're already a regular user, you can visit this interesting new website to determine the best time of day for people to catch you on twitter. It determines the best time for someone to "tweet" you, based on the time you send out messages. (A "tweet" is what you call an instant message when using twitter. Lost yet?)

For me, the ideal time to catch me, was 5PM CST.

Whether this is a real science, or just a total load of crap is still beyond me. But, still worth checking out, I suppose. The website is: Tweet O'Clock.com