Happy Halloween!

Here are some interesting costume ideas... an i-pod, Steve Jobs, and the i-pod commercial!

New Book On The Way

Word is Osama Bin Laden is writing a book.

I understand he'll be doing all his book signings at Jihad and Noble.

Big Day At The Stadium

How cool is this? I got to play ball today at Busch Stadium! The KTRS staff divided up into teams and played a fun game of softball on the same field that the big leaguers play on.

Vic Porcelli playing third base, and yours truly over at second.

I'm beating the crap out of that ball, swinging for the fences!

Look Out...

Sources say that Sarah Palin has had enough of advisors trying to shape her image... and they say she's "gone rouge" in the last couple of weeks.

In fact, today at a campaign rally in Indiana, she shot 6 deer from the stage.

Funny Man

John Kerry made a horrible attempt a joke during a speech by saying John McCain wears adult diapers....

Can you believe that? Someone was actually listening to a John Kerry speech?

Dreams Are Weird

I've had some odd dreams lately. I had a dream the other night that I was arguing with my family about the best way to get a good shave.

That's right, you heard me correctly.

I argued in dream land, that if you let your facial hair grow for a few days, you actually can get a better shave because it's easier to make longer hair soft, thus making it easier to cut. They were arguing the other way around, saying shorter whiskers are better -- since there is less to cut.

And I ask you.... why is any of this running around in my brain as I sleep?

Halloween Jokes

Here are a handful of jokes that the kids can use when going "Trick Or Treating":


What happened to the guy who didn't pay his exorcist?
He was repossessed


What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin


A kid says "Mommy, Mommy!, the kids at school call me a werewolf!"
The Mom says: Shut up son and go brush your face.


What do you say when you meet a 3 headed monster?
Hello, Hello, Hello


How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give them a hand!


Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.


What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer


Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos


Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend

To The Moon!

India launched its first rocket to the moon yesterday. India says its goal is to set up the first lunar call center.

Yeah, India is heading to the moon.... and today, George Bush said "Hey, maybe we could do that".

Bush & The G-8

Well, President Bush is working with the G8 to get the global economic crisis resolved...

Reporters asked the President about his thoughts on the G8, and Bush said "It's alright, but I'm really more of a snapple guy".

STD E-Cards?

Thanks to a new service, people who have an STD... can now send an e-card to peoople they've slept with to let them know they may have been infected.

And the first person to get the e-card.... Guy Ritchie.

Technical Difficulties

It appears that Al Queda might be having some technical difficulties. It seems that their websites and computer networks have been down for over a month.

In fact, their computer problems have gotten so bad, today they called up Best Buy and asked to speak with the Jihad Sqaud.

Obama Under The Arch

Barack Obama held a rally here in town over the weekend -- some say there were 100,000 people. (Although, I find that hard to believe.) I was there, Obama gave a speech, then fed all of us with five loaves of bread and a couple fish.

And then afterwards, God parted the water in the Mississippi so Barack could beat the traffic back home to Illinois.

Dancing With The Candidates

20 Days To Go....

Tomorrow night is the final Presidential debate.... or as Ralph Nadar calls it Wednesday.

John McCain said people shouldn't count him out -- and said that Barack Obama thinks he's already won, and is actually measuring new drapes for the White House.... and Obama shot back that McCain is already planning on installing the clapper.

Barack Obama is buying time on all the major networks for an informercial in prime time days before the election. Word is he plans to offer change for three easy installments of 19.99.

Busted!

Obama busted on the rope line talking to an Ohio man about his tax plan, and says he wants to "spread the wealth around"... feeding into fears about "income redistribution".

Rachel Ray Does Porno

Who knew cute little Rachel Ray had such a dirty mind... ? Or, is it me with the dirty mind? Either way -- Rachel Ray teaches you how to um.... clean corn?

Everything's Normal

Nick Nolte's home near the Malibu beach was consumed by fire Tuesday morning, but Nolte had only minor injuries from smoke inhalation and cutting his hand while breaking a window to escape...They found him disheveled, incoherent, reeking of smoke and coughing his lungs out, so he's perfectly normal

Women Of Wall Street

Playboy is looking for the "women of Wall Street" for an upcoming issue of the magazine... they're looking for women who work on Wall Street that have lost money in all this craziness... Hugh Heffner said he'll offer the women 2,000 dollars if they're willing to show off their nasdaqs.

Lara Logan

The New York Post reports that the CBS journalist, Lara Logan, could be in trouble for taking mementos out of Iraq (including pre-invasion portraits of Saddam Hussein).

"A rep for the Bureau of Immigration and Customs Enforcement told us the agency was looking into it.

What would she plan on doing with giant portraits of Saddam Hussein anyway?

Investment Advice

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received a $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

Talkin The Talk

With Wall Street a total mess, Barack Obama met with his economic advisers this past week.

Apparently, both both sides of every issue were discussed. Then, the advisers spoke.

Want To Win?

Arnold Schwarzenegger said that if Republicans want to win, they have to be more like him.

I think the message is getting through -- today, John McCain gave a speech with a dozen walnuts in his mouth.